


Tension

by A_Galeb_Duhr_named_Squish



Series: November [3]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 11:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18715822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Galeb_Duhr_named_Squish/pseuds/A_Galeb_Duhr_named_Squish
Summary: Tension. Palpable Tension. A lingering question, sapping all focus.Is he safe?





	Tension

**Author's Note:**

> Part three. This one was hard to write, honestly. Even now, I still think it could do with a LOT of improving, but I doubt I can get it much more polished than this with my current ability.
> 
> Still, It's the longest piece in the 'November' series, so maybe that counts for something!
> 
> I'm... not the best at writing angst, or worry, since I generally have a hard time describing my own feelings when those emotions actually occur, so I don't very much have a point of reference bar what much more talented and self-aware people have told me. I hope this work does those feelings justice.

Makoto Niijima was, certifiably, a nervous wreck. Laying foetal on her bed, cuddling a Buchimaru plushie, face half-buried in the fur, soaking the scalp of it with tears. It muffled her quiet sobbing, but no matter how much she squeezed her eyes shut, the flow never yielded. She wasn’t hurt – not physically. Emotionally, though, the pain was immense. It was November 20th. If you asked her now, Makoto would surely say it was one of the worst nights of her life. But why was she crying?

Ren Amamiya, her companion, her leader, her _lover_ , was currently in police custody. She’d seen him fall outside Sae’s Palace, right into a crowd of batons and shields. She saw the handcuffs go on, saw him dragged out of there. She couldn’t do anything, though, since the plan would go out the window if she made a move to save him. That’s what hurt the most, she thought. The fact that all the Thieves’ had agreed to this. Sure, there were apprehensions amongst the group, but they couldn’t find another way, no matter how many nights Makoto had forfeited sleep for planning and re-planning. Nothing she tried would be foolproof, though. It was like trying to put together a big puzzle with all the wrong pieces, or missing ones.

Futaba, playing as big a role in the plan as she did, tried to reassure her, keep her calm. It worked, in the moment. But as midnight grew closer, and the air grew colder, she became less and less sure. Scenes flashed through her mind. Scenes of harm, fear, torture. What was happening to her Ren? Were they hurting him?

Noticing her fists were tight on the side of her plushie, she loosened her grip reluctantly, and shook the toy a little to bring the cotton on the inside back to its original shape. Wrapping her arms back around it, and squeezing it tight, she closed her eyes, and tried to imagine he was there instead of Buchi. The smell of coffee floating from him. The small breaths he took when he slept, almost non-existent. The way his arms tangled under hers, hands on the small of her back when they shared a bed. Waking up in the middle of the night to a small, sleepy peck on her cheek, or, when she was lucky, her lips. Sometimes her nose, when he was exhausted, too exhausted to aim himself. 

She let herself smile at the memories. Right now, it was all she had of him. Earlier that night, she had scrolled her way through their private chat, all the way back to their first messages, then read through every single one. She could hear his voice behind every text, whenever he was laughing, or keeping his voice low, trying to comfort her. Again, she was calm for a while, but the thought washed over her that the last time she had heard his voice – truly heard it – was when he had said he would stay behind, and sacrifice himself for them all.

That wasn’t the memory she wanted to be stuck with. Looking through the texts helped her remember other, fonder, warmer memories. Memories of love. Well, not all of it was love, obviously. At the beginning of their acquaintance, they were… shaky. Barely allies, let alone friends. She still had the call log from when she went around Ren, straight to Boss, to get his address and phone number. She felt guilty about it in the moment, but she deemed it necessary to make sure that the Thieves were upholding their end of the bargain. She even called Ren to apologize for it, but it seemed like he didn’t care, or knew it would happen. Maybe he welcomed it.

Shortly after that, and after she’d awakened to Johanna, Ren offered to help her train in Mementos. He’d said that, while Aikido would be useful, it wouldn’t be enough against shadows. Makoto had to agree, she wasn’t sure the martial art would be very useful against things without arms, legs, or creatures that could float. The text he sent was serious, almost grimly, but it had a certain softness to it.

 **R_** _Makoto, it’s good that you know how to defend yourself, but I’ve been thinking._  
**R_** _Maybe you need to learn to fight offensively as well._  
**R_** _I could train you a little, if you like. Morgana and me._  
**R_** _Honestly, I don’t really want to see anything happen to you in Kaneshiro’s Palace._  
**R_** _Thoughts?_

She couldn’t argue with his logic. She owed a lot of her combat technique to Ren, honestly. She was a little braver with her attacks, while still placing her strikes well. Reckless without risk, he’d called it. It was only once they became a couple that she noticed what he meant when he said he didn’t want her to get hurt.

The next few texts were conversations about Eiko. When she messaged him, asking if he had time to help sort through it all. He always did. Ren never put it off in favour of the million other things she knew he had on his plate on any given day. She enjoyed the time they spent pretending, even though the entire situation was stressful. Makoto cared for her friend, wanted to keep her safe. Ren did too, she knew it. But the times they had to convince Eiko that they were indeed dating were… something else. She liked the way he’d hold her hand when they walked. The way he would sheepishly drape an arm around her shoulders. When he went in for the kiss once, but found himself unable to follow through, and instead nudged the tip of his nose against her cheek. He’d whispered “…Later” that time, probably to cover up his failure in front of Eiko and Tsukasa. It still made her blush and stutter. Then he confessed at Crossroads. She had set him up, of course. She wanted to be with him, but she didn’t really have the guts to ask, so she just laid a path down by insinuating she wanted to learn more about love, with someone. Whatever luck was currently smiling on them that day, it did well.

A later text, she had invited him to spend time with her, since she was caught up with assignments and study, and had some free time to spare. She decided she’d spend it with him. She’ll never forget the way she saw him bound up the corridor towards her, only remembering himself and straightening out his blazer once he met her gaze. She’ll never forget his smile, and shy wave. That day was their first kiss. They spent time at the boardwalk park, where the Ferris wheel was. She was a little scared, riding it all the way to the top. The groaning of the steel beams didn’t help her courage, either.

“Come closer to me.” Ren had said.

She did. Just an inch closer. It was enough to make her feel safer, even suspended hundreds of feet in the air, in a gently swaying carriage, with the wind rushing through her hair. Ren closed the rest of the distance, sliding himself across the seat, laying his arm around her again, pulling her further into his warmth. Without really knowing why, she let her head rest on his chest, listening to the steady pulse of his beating heart. Well, ‘steady’ was a lie. It was furious. That was the moment that Makoto learned that everything Ren did to her on the inside, she also did to him. That thought was interrupted by the feeling of soft lips on her forehead. He had kissed her, gently, almost unfit to be called a kiss. Like air. She had raised her head, and was probably red from cheek to cheek when she felt her chin raise, mouth eager to meet his own.

Quicker than she could process, Ren had closed his eyes, and pushed his lips against hers. She counted three seconds. Three seconds of tasting the coffee on his breath. Three seconds of feeling his lips on hers. Three seconds of her hand grasping at the back of his shirt, balling into a fist. It was short, but it was everything she wanted. Needed, she’d venture to say. She just didn’t know it before then. They didn’t talk on the way down. Just held each other close. Both hands on her thigh, one over the other.

When they reached the bottom, and began to make their way to the exit of the park, Ren slid his hand up from the small of her back to the nape of her neck and softly murmured, “Would you like me to walk you home?” She did. And he did.

Two weeks later, they slept together for the first time. The thought of that still made her stomach flip, even though they’d shared a bed many times since then. This happened on a Sunday, when both of them had free schedules. Ren suggested they spend the day alone, at LeBlanc. Makoto was the one who brought forth the option of sleeping over at his place, since the train ride home from LeBlanc was much longer than Yongen to Shujin. Ren agreed, and Makoto packed a uniform for Monday. The whole journey there was exciting, she was eager to see him. Perhaps she’d steal a kiss at the door? Maybe just hug him when it opened? When the time came, she did neither, because it had started raining once she emerged from Yongen station. She hadn’t packed an umbrella either.

Once she had entered the café, she kept her head down, saying a cursory greeting to Boss as she made directly for the stairs to the attic. Even though they probably weren’t, Makoto felt the eyes of LeBlanc’s customers on her, causing her cheeks to flush for the hundredth time. She had ascended the stairs, and she saw Ren there, fiddling with a DVD player, messing around with the cords behind a big, antiquated television set on a table. He noticed her once she mumbled a shy ‘hello’, coming forward towards her, and pulling her into a tight hug. “Let me get you a towel, and some coffee.” He was always so considerate, willing to do almost anything for her comfort. That was part of the reason she loved him. They’d done nothing all that day except relax on his couch, sipping hot drink, cuddling, watching movies that really had no right to still be sold, given how old they were. Still, Makoto couldn’t picture herself feeling any closer to him.

Then, she got closer to him. Tiredness hit them like a brick, and before long, they were settling into his bed. His single bed. If he was nervous, he didn’t show it, but Makoto certainly did. Ren was already dressed in sleepwear, laying in bed with his hands under his head, eyes closed. She was just standing there, shaking ever so slightly. “Don’t be scared, baby.”

Huh. That was also the first time he’d used a pet name for her. It took some coaxing, but Ren managed to calm Makoto enough that she felt comfortable laying beside him. As the night went on, she moved closer, sliding an arm under his neck, draping her other across his chest. One of her legs hung over his own, but that was involuntary. The following morning, Ren discovered that Makoto Niijima, Student Council President of the prestigious Shujin Academy, and Honors Student, drooled in her sleep. Still, she laughed at the memory of when he found out. Though he wore a loose, black shirt, the wet patch on his shoulder was plenty visible, glistening almost. She spouted forth a torrent of apologies – what else could she do? – but Ren just calmly rose, took the shirt off, dumped it in his clothes basket, and put a different one on. Turned around, smiled at her. Came back to her and squeezed her in a hug. “I don’t mind. I think I talk in my sleep.”

He did, but she didn’t want to embarrass him.

She still had the call logs from the time a few months after that. This month, actually. The month they first made love. It wasn’t how either of them pictured it going. It wasn’t how they pictured it in the films, shows, and books. Still, it wasn’t too far off. It was tender, slow, loving. A lot messier, but as far as she could tell, they both sort of liked it. Of course, they went into it with absolutely zero knowledge, and a bunch of fears, but they did it anyway. She recalled spending some indeterminate amount of time on her back, just writhing in ecstasy. Thanks to Ren. His tongue, namely. She would never have guessed the boy had it in him.

And that led her to the most recent text conversation between the two of them.

 **M_** _Ren?_  
**R_** _Yeah?_  
**M_** _…We’re taking Sis’ treasure tomorrow…_  
**R_** _You’re worried._  
**R_** _I understand._  
**R_** _I’m a little scared too._  
**M_** _Please don’t die._  
**R_** _You too._  
**R_** _You remember last month? In Mementos?_  
**R_** _We were fighting those two Arahabaki?_  
**M_** _The ones on Adyeshach?_  
**R_** _Yeah._  
**R_** _The one where you threw yourself between me and an attack._  
**R_** _Gods, you took all of it. The whole hit._  
**M_** _Yes… you really screamed._  
**R_** _And why wouldn’t I?_  
**R_** _You also remember the talk we had afterwards, once we found a rest stop?_  
**M_** _Mhm._  
**M_** _You gave me quite the earful._  
**M_** _And told me to never do it again._  
**R_** _That’s right._  
**R_** _Makoto. Baby._  
**R_** _Would I tell you that if I intended to let myself die?_  
**M_** _…I suppose not. But it’s not always in your power. Something could go wrong._  
**M_** _We wouldn’t even know._  
**R_** _I trust you guys. I don’t have a reason not to._  
**M_** _Ren…_  
**R_** _If you put the same gusto into your part of the plan that you put into shielding me back then…_  
**R_** _There shouldn’t be a problem._  
**M_** _Right._  
**M_** _Let me tell you, if I could take your place, I would._  
**R_** _You’d try. I’d stop you._  
**M_** _Haha… I suppose you would._  
**M_** _It’s getting late, I should try to sleep._  
**R_** _Sure thing._  
**M_** _Oh, actually, one more thing._  
**R_** _Mhm?_  
**M_** _When we take down cognitive Akechi…_  
**M_** _How hard do you want me to punch him?_  
**R_** _I thought the idea was chloroform?_  
**M_** _Ryuji and Futaba suggested that, but it’s not going to work._  
**M_** _For what reason would a cognition succumb to chloroform, if it’s not aware of the chemical?_  
**R_** _…That makes sense. Good catch._  
**R_** _So instead you’re going to sock him._  
**M_** _Yes. Hard._  
**R_** _Go wild, I guess. Make sure to give him a few punches for me, too._  
**M_** _Will do, Ren. Alright, time for bed. Night, babe. I love you so much._  
**R_** _I love you too. Sleep well._

The group had taken care of Sae’s cognitive version of Akechi, and Makoto did indeed go all out. It turns out Queen thought he had a _very_ punchable face. Yet, the fear still loomed that Ren was being afflicted with every single bruise she had put on ‘Fakechi’, and then some. She couldn’t throw herself in front of him. Couldn’t hold his hand, tell him to not be afraid. A towel and some coffee wouldn’t help him. And she couldn’t come any closer to him.

The news today had dropped on her while she was still at school, and it hit her like a truck without brakes. Middle of the hallway, her arms went limp, same as her legs. She just slid down the wall, looking at the headline on her phone through blurry eyes, surrounded by her scattered notes and papers. ‘The leader of the Phantom Thieves has committed suicide in custody.’ It brought a chill into her bones, one that wouldn’t disappear no matter how much she rubbed her arms, squeezed herself, shook her head and wept. She found herself in the council room, locking the door, pulling the blinds, falling, defeated, onto the couch. She just laid there and cried for hours. She kept crying, and crying, until she heard a knock at the door.

“Prez, you in there?” A muffled voice.

“One moment…” Makoto had taken the time to wipe her eyes, checking her reflection in her phone’s screen. Ranking it with Ren’s own scale of ‘good enough’, she stood up, and unlocked the door, opening it with a forced smile. “How can I hel-”

Ryuji Sakamoto raised an eyebrow, and scrunched his nose up at the sight of her. Messy hair, red streaks down her face, and red eyes from all the crying. “What’re you cryin’ for?”

Makoto had wanted to punch _him_ then, too. “I-I’m not.”

“It’s about Ren, ain’t it?” Ryuji smiled, as if Makoto wasn’t currently swimming in extreme emotional pain. “He’ll be alright.”

She sighed, deeply, shakily. “You didn’t hear the news, did you?”

“Sure did. It’s bullshit, though. C’mon, you’re the smart one.”

“Yes, well, maybe my smarts are telling me-”

“To cry?” Ryuji laughed, almost obnoxiously.

“I swear, I _will_ hit you.”

“Why? Am I makin’ sense for once?”

That gave Makoto some pause. He was making sense. But... that, in itself, didn't make sense.

“Listen, Queen, you’re awesome. Ren keeps sayin’ that. I’d be an idiot not to believe him.” Ryuji reached out a hand to slap her shoulder. The impact made Makoto wobble on her unsteady legs. “You put the plan together. It’ll work. I’ve got faith in ya!”

Makoto’s head fell limp on her neck, and her gaze blurred and fixed onto the floor. “Ryuji…”

The blonde-haired boy produced his offensively bright, yellow phone from his pants’ pocket, and flicked the screen on for just a moment. “It’s late. I’ll walk you home. Ren’d kill me if anythin’ happened to ya.”

All she did was nod.

Ryuji didn’t just walk her to the station, he bothered enough to make sure Makoto got to her door. He explained that Ren had made sure he would do that before they fought Leviathan, even though Ryuji insisted he was ‘gonna anyway’. The extent Ren had gone to in order to make sure she was safe was both admirable and worrying. Why would he put so much thought into it if he was certain the plan would work? That was one of the questions that was currently keeping Makoto awake. Were the smiles and reassurances just a façade? A lie, meant to keep her happy while he quite literally jumped into the jaws of death?

She pushed her face further into the panda plushie in her arms, nestling her head from side to side, feeling the soft fur brush against the contours of her face, hoping it would wipe away those grim thoughts. She’d stopped crying for a moment, only to recount the memories Ren and she had shared. Soon, she knew, the thoughts would return to him in that cramped little room, probably in agony. Then she’d begin to sob. Then cry, that hiccup-filled crying, the kind that hurt your chest and throat, but that you can’t stop.  
Another pain pulled her from her train of thought, and her stomach growled. She hadn’t eaten yet. Once she got home, she had locked the front door and gone straight to her room to cry in peace. Before Ryuji had left, though, he produced a plastic container from his bag.

“This is somethin’ he told me to give ya, too.”

It was a container filled with rice, and a reddish-brown, thick liquid, with meat and assorted vegetables spread throughout. LeBlanc curry. The kind he’d make for Palace forays. The kind he’d make when she visited for the day.

Reluctantly setting Buchimaru aside, she pulled herself into a sitting position. With a loose sleeve, she wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up, walking falteringly to her room’s door. The rest of her home was dark. Night had set in, and she hadn’t left any of the lights on when she slunk into her own room. Needlessly quietly, she made her way through the corridors, hand brushing on the wall to guide her until her vision set into the dark. Making it safely to the kitchen, she slid her hand up and down the wall next to the doorframe, seeking the light switch. She found it, and flicked it, recoiling at the flash with squinted eyes. She opened the fridge, feeling the chill air spill out and wash over her. She shivered – it was cold enough without the frost. She had placed the container in there, amongst jars, bottles, other containers, but the contents were unique enough to be seen instantly. Makoto had tried to replicate the recipe, but it never tasted quite the same.

If Ren survived, she’d ask him to teach her.

She haphazardly dropped the container onto the bench, and took a plate from a cupboard. Opening the curry’s housing, she carefully spilled the contents onto the dish, then placed it in the microwave oven tucked in the corner. She supposed maybe five minutes would suffice. As it cooked, the flavour emerged as a scent, reminding her of the tender moments they spent in LeBlanc, eating the stuff under a blanket, watching all manner of movies. Yes, both the curry and coffee were products of Sojiro’s talent and hard work, but to Makoto, they were synonymous with Ren’s hospitality.

Normally, she’d make dinner once she got home, preparing for her sister to return from work, or wherever she found herself these days. Tonight, though, Makoto knew Sae wouldn’t be home. She was probably with Ren right now, in that tiny, stuffy, cold cell. After all that Sae had put them through, knowing or not, Makoto had an itching in the back of her mind, thankful that she might be experiencing even a tenth of the discomfort Ren was.

Still, that was no way to think about her sister. It wasn’t really her, not truthfully. A distortion had taken root. The Phantom Thieves had removed the treasure from the palace, so even if Ren… didn’t make it, there was still that small, Pyrrhic victory. Given the choice between saving her sister, and making sure Ren could live, Makoto wasn’t sure what she’d do. Probably fall to her knees and despair, now that she thought about it.

The high beeping of the machine behind her grabbed her attention. She whirled around a little too quick, and recoiled, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose to fight off the dizziness. She let out a short moan, one of stress, dismay, and longing, as she opened the microwave, and gave the plate a few pokes to test the temperature. The porcelain was hot, but not hot enough to deter carrying. And so, she did. She carried it all the way back to her room, setting it on her desk, not forgetting to grab a spoon from the drawer in the kitchen before sitting down.

She never usually ate dinners in her room, but on that night, she needed to be somewhere, anywhere that Ren had been. Her room was the only place like that which was currently safe. If she tried really hard, she could sometimes smell his scent on her pillow, despite him never having stayed at her place, only popping in a few times when Sae would come home much later than ordinary.

Digging her spoon into the most mixed part of the curry, she lifted it, loose liquid filling the gap in the rice the cutlery left. She lifted it to her mouth to the spoon, pursed her lips, and blew, a thin puff of steam caught in the gale. Not only was the smell the same, the taste was exactly as she had remembered it. It soothed her, sedated her shakiness. For now, Ren was there with her.

But her mind still wandered. Her phone had been left on the desk, just to the left of where she sat now.

 _I need to talk to someone,_ she thought, _Anyone._

She reached for the phone, and opened the Thieves’ chat window.

 **M_** _Hello?_  
**M_** _Is anyone still awake?_  
**F_** _Yep._  
**M_** _Futaba! You, of all of us, should be asleep._  
**F_** _I’m not the one who has school tomorrow._  
**M_** _…I suppose you’re right._  
**Ry_** _You okay, Makoto?_  
**Ry_** _Cryin’ again?_  
**M_** _Something like that. I think I just need to distract myself._  
**Ry_** _Have you eaten yet?_  
**M_** _Doing it now._  
**Ry_** _Good. That’s good._  
**Ry_** _Ren’d be happy._  
**M_** _Ha. Did Ren ask you to make sure I’d been taking care of myself?_  
**Ry_** _Nope, that one’s all me. Wasn’t gonna take the curry all that way for nothin’._  
**F_** _Aw, she gets curry?_  
**F_** _I want curry!_  
**M_** _Futaba, are you doing that thing again?_  
**F_** _…what thing?_  
**M_** _The one where you hide how you really feel behind text._  
**M_** _You’re upset too, aren’t you? You said it yourself a while back, he’s like a brother to you._  
**F_** _Yea… I’m just sort of tired of crying._  
**Ry_** _C’mon, both of you. He’ll be alright. He’s our guy._  
**Ry_** _I got faith in him._  
**Ry_** _We took out Fakechi._  
**Ry_** _Futaba put the bug on Ren’s phone._  
**Ry_** _All we’re waitin’ on is for him to convince Makoto’s sister._  
**M_** _But what if he can’t, Ryuji?_  
**M_** _What if something goes wrong?_  
**Ry_** _Man, Ren told me to get ready for the ‘what if’ barrage._  
**Ry_** _Listen, he got all of us on his side, eh?_  
**Ry_** _Convinced me to get my head outta my ass._  
**Ry_** _Drew Futaba outta her shell._  
**Ry_** _And… managed to hook up with you, of all people, Makoto._

Ryuji wasn’t wrong. Makoto never really dreamed that she’d end up as somebody’s girlfriend, let alone the rumored ‘delinquent’s. Still, stranger things had happened. Palaces, Mementos, talking cats, Personas. Stranger things had happened, and greater odds had been faced.

 **M_** _You really are confident in him._  
**M_** _It’s admirable._  
**Ry_** _You might know him in a different way, ‘cause of what you are to him._  
**Ry_** _But I’ve known him since he turned up at Shujin._  
**Ry_** _I’ve stood by him through thick and thin._  
**Ry_** _He’s not one to fail._  
**F_** _...Ryuji’s right. It’d be a waste to spend tears on something we know won’t happen._  
**F_** _He’s done so much for all of us._  
**F_** _The least we can do is believe in him._  
**M_** _Thank you. Both of you. I think I needed that reassurance._  
**M_** _I’m going to try to get some sleep, now._  
**M_** _Maybe we all should._  
**F_** _…Right. If all this goes how it should, we’ll all be able to see him tomorrow._  
**M_** _You mean… the day after, right?_  
**F_** _It’s the twenty-first already. We’ve been up all night._  
**Ry_** _Oof, definitely time to sleep, then._  
**Ry_** _Good night, girls._  
**M_** _Likewise. And you, Futaba._  
**F_** _Mhm. Sleep well, you two._

Makoto scraped the last bit of curry-saturated rice from the dip around the center of the plate, twisting the spoon upside down before polishing it off.

_He’ll be alright. He has to be._

Another blip from her phone, as she received a message. Surprisingly, it was her sister, Sae.

 **S_** _Makoto, I’m on my way home. Are you safe?_  
**M_** _Is Ren with you?_  
**S_** _Answer the question, Makoto. Please._

Makoto, scowling at her sister’s insistence, switched to the camera app on her phone, and took a quick snap of her desk, empty plate included. She then sent the photo through the private chat, to Sae.

System: Picture Sent  
**M_** _Where is Ren?_  
**S_** _He’s safe. I left him with Sojiro Sakura. You’re familiar?_  
**M_** _Yes. Thank you._  
**S_** _I’m almost there. Don’t fall asleep, if you can help it. We need to talk._  
**M_** _You already know everything, I assume. What else is there to talk about?_  
**S_** _Your boyfriend._

_What?_

Sae… knew? No, that couldn’t be. Makoto hadn’t told her, and she’d been damn sure to hide the roses and necklaces and perfumes that she brought home. She hadn’t even mentioned Ren in any conversation. If _she_ hadn’t told Sae, who had? The Phantom Thieves learned of Ren and Makoto’s relationship before Ren made that scene at the school festival. Of course, Sae couldn’t have learned about it then, since she was very distant from Shujin affairs at the time. That left only one avenue of information. Ren himself.

 **M_** _So, he told you…_  
**S_** _Not explicitly. I pieced it together._  
**S_** _‘His Queen’, hmm?_  
**M_** _Sis…_  
**S_** _Relax. I’m not upset. I just want to know what you think of him._  
**S_** _He’s told me everything about how he feels for you._  
**M_** _What does that mean?_  
**S_** _That he hates when you get hurt. He likes to keep you close, help you in unseen ways._  
**S_** _That he was the one to help you with Eiko._  
**S_** _From his perspective, it’s quite admirable. I want to know your side._  
**M_** _Well… I suppose there’s no avoiding this talk, is there?_  
**S_** _I want to know if he treats you well._  
**M_** _You don’t need a conversation for me to let you know I love him._  
**S_** _It’s less about whether you love him, and more about whether he loves you._  
**S_** _I’d like to compare your stories._  
**M_** _…Fine…_  
**M_** _Have you eaten, yet?_  
**S_** _Yes, I grabbed something on the way home. Thank you for asking._  
**S_** _I have to focus on driving, now. See you soon, Makoto._  
**M_** _See you._

Compare stories. Even after all this, Sae still didn’t trust Ren.

_Oh, god, Ren…_

Had she been standing she probably would have fallen to her knees after finding out Ren was okay. Safe, like her. He was probably in bed right now, easing into the pillow, thinking of her. Under warm blankets, in clean clothes. Comfortable, and safe. Makoto wished she could be there with him. There at LeBlanc when he arrived, there to ease his pain. Anywhere near him, to hold his hand, whisper that she was there. But she wasn’t, and she couldn’t be, not until Sae was home, and even then, she might not allow Makoto to leave.

How would Makoto convince Sae that Ren and she were a true thing, a real, loving couple? Convincing herself took no effort at all, why couldn’t it be easier to convince Sae?  
Looking around her room, she searched for a few things in particular. The first of which was found on her desk, a small glass bottle with a spray head. The perfume he had given her on one of their dates, a subdued fragrance that was altogether perfectly suited to her. It smelled faintly of peaches. The next was found on her bedside table, a bouquet of red and blue roses, still wrapped in paper and plastic. She hadn’t found a vase for them, yet, and promised that she would soon. The third, and final, was hidden in her bedside table’s top drawer. It laid at the bottom of all the articles of clothing in there, where it would never be found by prying eyes. A small gold chain, and hanging from it, a tiny, heart-shaped ruby, banded with gold. The necklace Ren had given her on one rainy day, when a date had turned into a stay-in movie.

Despite the foul weather, that evening shone the brightest of all of them. Makoto couldn’t even remember the movie, or how long she stayed there, or even what she wore on that day. The only thing she remembered, cared to remember really, was the feeling of Ren’s body against hers, his hand in hers, his head on her shoulder. His eyes, grey, steely, kind, looking into hers, red, aflame, loving, as he looped a gold chain around her neck, and fastened it at her nape. Then the taste of his lips.  
With a fond smile, she did the same that he had done on that day, gently hooking the necklace around her.

Gathering the perfume, and tucking the bouquet under one arm, she made her way back into the living room, and set both down on the glass coffee table next to the couches, taking a seat herself.

_If this isn’t evidence enough, she thought, I don’t know what is._

Sure enough, time passed with Makoto sitting idly on that couch, eyes closed, head rolled back onto the seat. Just waiting. The front door’s lock clicked, she could hear it from even the living room. She had become so adjusted to the absence of it, night after night, that it stood out too much to go unnoticed.

The familiar clacking of Sae Niijima’s shoes echoed throughout the hallway, drawing nearer. Soon, she emerged into the living room. “Makoto. Hello.”

“Hey, sis…”

“So,” The older Niijima sister let her bag fall to the floor beside the end of the couch, taking her own space beside it, on the other seat forming the ‘L’ of the furniture. “Let’s… get this over with.” She folded her arms, crossed her legs, and turned her head to face Makoto. Sae didn’t meet the young girl’s eyes, since she had obscured them with her hair, head tilted down to gaze emptily on the two items laying on the table before her. “When did this start, for you?”

With a surprisingly small amount of hesitation, she answered softly. “During the Kaneshiro case. Or… I don’t know, maybe it was a little bit before.”

“He said you were following him around for a while.” A knowing smile played across Sae’s lips. Just how much had Ren told her? What should Makoto leave out?

“Principal Kobayakawa gave me instructions to find traces of the Phantom Thieves in Shujin. Naturally, I started with the one person who had just recently arrived before Kamoshida confessed.”

“Smart.”

“I’m pretty sure he clocked me right away, though. After all, I noticed the book I was hiding behind was upside-down. After that, I knew I had to be sneakier. I managed to take a recording of Ryuji and Ann talking, and thankfully, they gave away the game.” Makoto allowed herself a small smirk, remembering how thankful she’d been that the two second-years had such big mouths. “So, I confronted them, asked them to prove themselves and their justice, and take down Kaneshiro. Apparently, a family name wasn’t enough, so they went on a hunt to find his full name. I don’t know how they did it, even to this day, but they got it.

“A day or two later, I checked in. They still hadn’t made any moves, said they had hit a roadblock. That they needed to find out where to find Kaneshiro. So… I did something really stupid. I was under pressure from…”

“Me.” Sae’s mouth lost the smile, and her head drooped ever so slightly.

“Y-yes. I suppose. I didn’t want to be useless, I wanted to complete at least one of the tasks set before me. I chose the right, one, in retrospect. But I went about it the wrong way.  
“I called Ren, and told him to stay on the line, while I stupidly went up to some alleyway thugs, and began pestering them about Kaneshiro. It worked, and they took me to him, but… I didn’t know what I expected to do. Before I knew it, photos were taken for blackmail, and I was on the floor, completely at his goons’ mercy.”

Sae’s eyes widened almost as fast as they locked onto her little sister. “They didn’t…”

“No! No, I was lucky. It… came close. I don’t like to think about what might have happened if Ren and his companions didn’t rush in right then. God, I still remember the look on his face. He didn’t even say anything, he just looked at me, and… I saw something in those eyes. I don’t know if it was fear, or hurt, or rage, but… it chilled me a little.” Over time, Makoto had learned to understand that look. She knew it was in the same vein as anger, but it was a gentle anger. Protective, almost fearful. Of course, she had to learn that through someone who’d known him longer, so she asked Ryuji if he’d ever had that look before. The blonde boy had told her it was the first time Ren had worn a glare with that burning intensity. “He gave Kaneshiro the same look. I thought that, at any second, he was going to leap over me and strangle the man. Despite my position, I felt… safer, with him there.”

“I had no idea this happened to you. Ren left it out of his story.” Even though the words were shaped like a statement, they sounded like a question to Makoto. 'Why did Ren leave it out' is what Sae meant, in truth. The brown-haired girl knew that much.

“He doesn’t like to think about it. He still actually has nightmares about it, sometimes. He’d wake up in a panic, wrap his arms around me, and ask if this was real, if I was safe.”

“So, you’ve already shared a bed, clearly.”

“O-Oh… N-no, I mean, um…”

“It’s fine. I figured it out while I was talking to him. Continue with your story?”

Thankful that Sae hadn't inquired as to the depth of their 'bed-sharing', Makoto dispelled her worry with a shake of the head, and kept retelling her story. “Mhm. Shortly after, I learned about the Metaverse. They decided I deserved to know, since I put myself in that much danger for them. That first foray was when I found my Persona, but I’m sure Ren told you that, already.”

“Along with how he felt about it, yes.” Sae sighed.

“W-what does that mean?”

“Nothing that bears repeating.” Sae held a hand up, palm towards Makoto.

“O-oh. A-anyway, a day went by, and I started receiving threats from Kaneshiro by text. I told everyone this, and Ren made a resolution, that we’d mark the entire Palace in one day, to stem any other threats. Once that was done, he offered to help train me in Mementos, help me shift my Aikido into something more practical against shadows. That was when I knew he was trying to keep me safe, almost possessively.

“That made me feel like I could trust him. So, I came to him about a few of my problems. It felt weird, asking help from the man I was essentially stalking less than a week ago, but… I found it was an option open to me, for whatever reason. Then… Eiko happened. I never told you the full story, just that I had someone helping me with that issue. What I didn’t tell you was, that person was Ren. And… um…”

“You had him pose as your boyfriend. He told me.”

The younger girl's eyes went wide. “God, he’s really filled you in…” Makoto found herself clearing a tight throat with a sharp cough. “Yes, that… happened. So, you must know what happened when we confronted Tsukasa at the end. That same look he had with the Kaneshiro ordeal.

“Honestly, even with that… fire… in his eyes, I’m impressed with his restraint. I half expected Ren to throw a punch, but… he never did. Just put himself between myself and Tsukasa, and drove him back. ‘Your fight’s with me’. That’s what he said. I felt safe again, knowing he had my back, even after everything. All the trouble I put him through.” The second time Ren had stood up for her, even when she was ready to fight for herself. It meant a lot, since nobody else had ever really gone out of their way to aid her. “Then, we went to a bar nearby to cool off. I don’t even remember what I had said, exactly. I was too flustered afterwards.”

“I’ll be your study partner.”

“Hmm?” Makoto tilted her head, brow raised.

“He told me that’s what he said to you.” Sae relished in seeing a slight pink hue creep across her sister’s cheeks. “Awfully cheesy.”

“Cheesy, maybe, but… not awful. I said yes. And then,” Makoto leant forward, and reached for the bouquet, using her other hand to pull the necklace out from the inside of her shirt. “We went on a few dates, and he gave me these. The necklace cost him a fortune, but he insisted. He even…” Makoto allowed herself to giggle, feeling a little feverish. “…He even joked about buying a ring instead.”

“Have you ever fought?” Sae said, abruptly.

All the tingling of joy faded from the girl. “I-I… Well… He’s never hurt me…”

“Physically.”

“It’s not like that. He cares about me; more than I think I know. We’ve had arguments but… nothing incredibly serious. Nothing harmful.” Makoto set the roses back down onto the glass table, stuffing the heart-shaped bauble back into her clothing as well. She crossed her legs, and began to twist her hands in and out of each other. “He actually… became mad at me when I put myself between him and harm. Not, um, angry to a violent point, just… really upset.”

“You know what will happen if he crosses that line.”

“Trust me, I’ll do it myself.” Makoto let her eyes fall for a moment. “He would never hurt me. I just… know it.”

There was a solid five or so minutes of silence. Heavy, crushing silence. Makoto was sure the roof was beginning to bow under the weight of it, and the floor would crumble. She meant what she said. Ren could be angry sometimes, in times of great stress, and doubly so when danger came her way, but he had never directed it outwards. In a way, it was a silent fuming, one that fueled his concentration in Palaces, one that made him hit harder in battles. Behind the mask, when she was Queen, she’d steep in his fury. It would inspire her, Ryuji, Ann – everyone. That righteous anger towards the ills of society, at the abominable, distorted landscapes inside their targets’ minds, it drove her to be better. She cared more. Whenever she lost her way, or was close to giving up, she’d steal a bit of fire from Ren’s eyes, add it to her own kiln.

“…Sis?”

Sae didn’t answer verbally, instead showing her attention with a glance.

“I love him. He loves me.” Makoto swallowed the lump in her throat, and hoped she wasn’t red. “I don’t… need you to believe me, or approve of it, but… It’d be nice to know you’re on my side.”

“I am. Always.” Sae moved to stand up, reaching over to rustle Makoto’s hair. “I’m sorry if I made it seem like I wasn’t. I just want to know my little sister is in safe hands.”

“I promise, I am.”

Sae smiled weakly, the first sign of softness that Makoto had seen in a long time. Perhaps the change of heart had taken effect. Soon, though, the older Niijima sister’s face fell, and a cracked voice gently echoed as she slowly seated herself beside Makoto. “I also… I want to apologise. I was aware of everything I was doing. Everything I said, I didn’t mean it. Not really.”

“S-sis…”

Sae hushed her, and reached around the girl, pulling her into a warm embrace. “Makoto, I’m so sorry…” The last syllable dissolved into a sob, and the older woman soon surrendered to her own flow of tears.

Makoto did the best she could to comfort her, embracing her in return, rubbing a palm up and down her spine, whispering words of calm and forgiveness. “You weren’t yourself, Sis.”

“The things I said to you…”

“You didn’t mean them. It’s okay.”

Makoto hadn’t expected an apology. Sae was the kind of person to carry guilt if she was truly wrong, but never say sorry. It was good to know that she was back, that she was herself again, and perhaps just a little bit more than that. Makoto wasn’t aware of how much time went by, but by the time Sae began to breathe steadily again, and pulled away, the shoulder of the white turtleneck she wore was grey with water.

“I swear, I will make it up to you, Makoto…” The silver woman wiped her eye with the flat of her thumb. “I’ll be a better sister to you.”

“Please, just be your old self.” Makoto took an idle hand into her own, and squeezed it. “I love you, Sis.”

Sae nodded, smiling, eyes still shining in the living room’s light. “…You too.”

The younger sister returned the smile. “You must be really tired. Go get some sleep, okay?”

“Yes… yeah. That sounds like a good idea.” Sae stood up shakily, and leaned down to kiss her little sister on the forehead. “You should turn in soon as well, it’s late.”

“Don’t worry about me, I will.” Makoto felt confident that she’d actually be able to garner some rest, perhaps even the courage to leave her phone for long enough to have a proper shower.

Sae made it to the adjoining hallway before stopping, turning to Makoto, and speaking. “Oh, and Ren has your old sweater, I hope you don’t mind. I needed it to keep him inconspicuous.”

“Oh, n-not at all! That’s absolutely fine.”

The night went by uneventfully for a few more hours. Makoto laid smiling on her bed, head sinking into the pillow, Buchimaru plushie under one arm, and her phone in the other hand. She wasn’t cold enough to slip into the sheets – besides, she hadn’t showered, and was still wearing her uniform from yesterday. But, now knowing that Ren was safe, she was able to let her guard down. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, standing, and setting both objects in her hands aside.

It was the exact moment the phone hit her pillow that it vibrated, and chirped to herald a message. Makoto’s hand shot towards it like a bullet, flicking the lock screen open.

 **R_** _Still awake, baby?_

Ren. Oh god, Ren. She knew he was safe, was told that by her sister, but seeing a sign of it brought the tears right back to her eyes.

 **M_** _Yes, I’m here._  
**M_** _Ren… I miss you so much._  
**R_** _I miss you too._  
**R_** _I need to see you._  
**M_** _It’s three in the morning. You should be resting._  
**R_** _I tried. Wounds in my back opened up again._  
**M_** _Oh, baby… you’ve got to take it slower._  
**M_** _Can Boss help you fix them?_  
**R_** _I’ve called Takemi over. She’s prepping the needle right now._  
**R_** _But…_  
**R_** _She can’t spare the good painkillers._  
**R_** _So, if you’re not already in bed yet… Could you please come over?_  
**R_** _I know I’m asking a lot. Sorry._  
**M_** _Yes. Yes, of course. I’ll be right there. I just have to make sure Sis is asleep._  
**R_** _I love you._  
**M_** _God, I love you too, Ren._  
**M_** _I’ll see you very soon. I promise._

**Author's Note:**

> This whole thing was a doozy to write, and edit, and I struggled with a lot of it, mostly keeping it coherent and on track, without it coming out as a fountain of throwaway words. I read through the thing about six separate times, changing things repeatedly, overhauling entire pages, just trying to make it actually have the flow I wanted. I still don't know if I got there, but this is my best attempt. All I know is that I started off strong.
> 
> Fun fact, the text messages, in the original word document I wrote this on, were colored according to which character they belonged to, but AO3 doesn't support coloring to my knowledge. Hence, the 'initial/underscore' workaround. Please, if anyone has a better idea, let me know. I am *begging* you.
> 
> Going to be taking a little break from this series before I put up the last part, but in the meantime, there's a chaptered work I'll be putting up to fill that void. It's already up to its fifth chapter as of writing this, but I'll only be putting the first one up for now. It's an AU piece, based off one of the endings of P5. Don't worry, it's still shumako. To... an extent.
> 
> Again, please let me know if there's any horribly obvious mistakes or formatting problems, I really wanna iron those out at the very least.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this *exhausting* piece, because even after all the struggle, I know I enjoy it!
> 
> Edit: Hey! Apparently that part about the chaptered work was, um, a lie! I planned my schedule wrong, and I'll be putting up Part 4 of this series before anything else, and then throwing myself into Makoto week preparations. I still *might* post the new fandangled chaptered work part by part along the way, but I'll be editing it alongside writing and editing Makoto week stuff, so it'll probably be just a *little* slower.
> 
> Updates:  
> Fixed a typo pointed out by PixieRed.


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